it's interesting... how life can take so many different turns. we all want to maintain stability. because things can so easily sway to the negative.
there are negatives that WILL occur. and we're forced to handle them when they do. to bounce back from them. to deal with them. to move on from them.
the best i can hope for is just to hold on. to hold onto fleeting moments. because like an old zen parable said... things can go from bad to good to bad to good... like a neverending cycle.
it's a bleak way to view the world. and i much prefer optimism. but tonight i'm tired... i'm tired and i just want someone to intelligently retort my philosophical demons. the beliefs that bubble up to the surface every so often. the mindset that can and does occur.
there is so much chaos in the world. i'd give anything to find a clear obstruction-less view through it all. hope.
why do so many bad things happen. god's plan? god has a plan and therefore these bad things will happen. is it just random chance? i have to go with the latter. it makes it easier to sleep at night if things are more random. i don't like the idea of suffering as a means of progression. as an unnecessary unintentional byproduct, sure. that i can handle. but to believe that He is making it happen...
doesn't seem to fall under what i'd categorize as justice. then again, who the hell am i to say. i guess it's just what i'd like to believe.
somedays i believe that good works yield good fortunes. that if you live your life justly and morally you will inherit the earth. but somedays...
i don't know if life has gotten easier. it's been about a year since elyse and i split. since i found out i was bipolar. since my perspective on things started to change. life, love, friendship, relationships... it's all changed.
i'm not sure if i'm happy or sad. if i should take it as a blessing or a curse.
i know i can't stop pushing people away. and i don't know why. barely speaking to new friends. keeping more quiet these days. trying to work out the catacombs of my mind. losing sight of what used to be so great. my beliefs.
damn... how they've changed.
i guess it's to be expected with growing up. with dealing with loss.
in my exhaustion... (and in fighting this rampant cold) i feel like something has to give.
there are negatives that WILL occur. and we're forced to handle them when they do. to bounce back from them. to deal with them. to move on from them.
the best i can hope for is just to hold on. to hold onto fleeting moments. because like an old zen parable said... things can go from bad to good to bad to good... like a neverending cycle.
it's a bleak way to view the world. and i much prefer optimism. but tonight i'm tired... i'm tired and i just want someone to intelligently retort my philosophical demons. the beliefs that bubble up to the surface every so often. the mindset that can and does occur.
there is so much chaos in the world. i'd give anything to find a clear obstruction-less view through it all. hope.
why do so many bad things happen. god's plan? god has a plan and therefore these bad things will happen. is it just random chance? i have to go with the latter. it makes it easier to sleep at night if things are more random. i don't like the idea of suffering as a means of progression. as an unnecessary unintentional byproduct, sure. that i can handle. but to believe that He is making it happen...
doesn't seem to fall under what i'd categorize as justice. then again, who the hell am i to say. i guess it's just what i'd like to believe.
somedays i believe that good works yield good fortunes. that if you live your life justly and morally you will inherit the earth. but somedays...
i don't know if life has gotten easier. it's been about a year since elyse and i split. since i found out i was bipolar. since my perspective on things started to change. life, love, friendship, relationships... it's all changed.
i'm not sure if i'm happy or sad. if i should take it as a blessing or a curse.
i know i can't stop pushing people away. and i don't know why. barely speaking to new friends. keeping more quiet these days. trying to work out the catacombs of my mind. losing sight of what used to be so great. my beliefs.
damn... how they've changed.
i guess it's to be expected with growing up. with dealing with loss.
in my exhaustion... (and in fighting this rampant cold) i feel like something has to give.
nothing lasts forever.
but then by that logic... the negative things in life don't last forever either.
which is something to look forward to.
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