even as a catholic i believe in karma...
that good presents good... bad presents bad... there may be fillers along the way but what we get through today will give us joys tomorrow.
i've done things that are bad. i've worked to justify these things or understand them. in the end understanding can be seen as moot. they happened, they're done, and now i must move on.
still every one of my trangressions strikes me like an arrow. i'm weighed down by my own guilt. i always will be.
i tried to fill my life with things to forget. games and movies. in the end i can quote funny things and i can tell you who starred in what with who. this is not impressive... it's just what it is... a sign of a good memory.
i'm passionate. i try not to be. i try to just be like everyone else. but my life is a passionate one and i will never lose sight of what this means.
i'm a father. i have a daughter who needs me and if for this one reason i decide to change into a better man i will continue to do so. because she needs me to be the greatest me i can be.
i write a lot. too much. but an author who writes is admired as someone who can convey his feelings in an artistic way. i appreciate any good opinions on what i say... it means a lot.
the decisions i have to make everyday are hard. no harder than anyone else... in fact, simpler i'm sure than what you will have to decide. i may need help through a trying time as i try to come back to myself. i thought i was me already...
maybe "me" is conceptually a flawed belief.
because i'm me now. trying to do what's best at a distance. trying to fight his inner demons. trying to deal with all his guilt. it's a hard road back to the real world... but it's one worth travelling.
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