it gets easier to let go of the things you want. sometimes you just need to redirect your energies. sometimes what might be worth going for isn't worth the risk.
there are several reasons for this. failure warrants unnecessary reprecussions. it can also make you lose a good thing. trying to bring something adequate to the next level only to lose it is never a good feeling. it's not worth risking.
it's odd to even be placed in these predicaments. sometimes there's no real rhyme or reason behind it. it just happens. wanting what you want... isn't always rational.
there are guarantees in this world... good and bad... that may cause heed. i can almost guarantee the result.
it's odd... to feel your thoughts focusing on one thing. my mind keeps drifting that way despite my inner voice trying to force common sense to the forefront.
what's even more odd is i'm usually more on top of checking my own emotions. by now i've usually convinced myself of the futility of such thoughts and my mind has usually moved on. the fact that it hasn't causes me slight amounts of distress. but mostly... confusion. wonder. i have to know that there's a reason for these thoughts...
maybe it's just been a while since i've been so taken aback. maybe it's the level of admiration. in the end these things don't matter. what matters is what happens next.
the way things are...
that's what i need to remember. the moment. the now. focusing on that will cause rest. because when emotions start getting juggled from within it can take a lot out of someone.
a better check of my emotions is necessary. learning to let go... especially in a situation such as this. the rationality should be enough to grant success.
still i'm amazed to even be feeling this way...
it's an incredible feeling.
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