***note*** These blogs directly before and some directly after were at a time before the meds completely took hold. I was diagnosed late September and it can take a month or longer to become "stable" (I put quotations because medically stable and emotionally stable are two different things). My thoughts were more scattered during this time. I wasn't sure what I wanted. What to make of the changes in my life. What was going to even happen to me. I had no future in mind, I wanted to ignore the present, and I spent most of my time trying to forget the past. It took a long time to overcome the difficulties of these times. To this day, I still have trouble with everything related to the diagnosis. In my mind the most important thing is to keep myself stable, be there for my daughter, family, and friends, and to take care of Sara. There are greater aspirations as well. I am working on these with as much of myself as I can afford. ***end of note***
time is only as relative as we make it
i feel full of profound expressions. maybe it's my crutch. my rock of gratitude (see the secret or chad for synopsis).
there are faults in the world. yet throughout it all i still believe in the good in people. (see the diary of anne frank, book or play)
i'm butchering some of these things *smiles* but ultimately the message is clear...
there may be a way we feel... a finality we see... but it's not always the way it is. i thought i needed someone to put my whole heart in... but i need to know what a hearts for and stop placing so much of it into everything i do.
i may never be able to stop diving into life head first... but with my mind, body, and soul as one i may be lucky enough to learn that even when my life and feelings aren't reciprocated i can still exist.
love is more than just a feeling. it connects us.
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