i'm always thinking. it makes me a quiet person. i don't always know how to break the silence. i used to. at night i'm kept awake by my thoughts...
i don't know what i want.
i want to see the world as i'm seeing it now. an amazing place. and even though things didn't work out the way i wanted them to... i'm still happy to just be alive.
but for obvious reasons.... my mood and perception fluctuates.
i want to feel passionate all the time like i used to. as passionate as i'm feeling now. it's so rare that i get to feel like this. the world can be a million things. it can let you down. it can be filled with hate. it can amaze you. right now i'm viewing it as a pretty wonderful place.
right now i'm just happy. happy with how things are looking. happy that i can make some of my bills. happy that life hasnt beaten me down too badly. that this condition doesn't totally run my life.
it's hard... those days where i'm down. there doesn't seem to be a real escape. but then there are days like today where i'm up. and nothing can get to me. i'm strong... if only for a while.
i'm lucky. i have a beautiful daughter, a wonderful family, and a few close friends i can trust with anything. thoughts like those make days like today great.
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