in the game...
you run Sora's life. you lose sight of your friends and family to travel the world... trying to protect new friends. trying to fight with a courage inside you never knew you had. you find your friends and lose them again... to the darkness and the light.
in part 2...
you find yourself still looking. a chain of memories has to come to pass but after... your on the right path.
i'm on a path. i thought i could walk the path of twilight. i thought i could overcome the darkness. but when it comes right down to it...
all i need is a kairi.
i'm sorry. to all the friends i forgot before. it won't happen again...
we'll see where life leads us.
remember it's just a game...
life is much more tangible.
Lily Ice Cream
Tuesday, January 18, 2011
And if I take off the glasses: October 15th, 2008
I can take off the glasses, pretend to be strong
No one looking sees anything wrong
You'd have to be smart to see beyond facade
If you know me then you know me without probable cause
I can write and sometimes act but it's up to me
No internal force dictates what I see
I attempt to fly right but I lack the ground
Without ground support I can't hear a sound
I might be lost but I'll keep on going
Just like water keeps on flowing
Just like Confucious keeps on knowing
Just like trees keep on growing
There may not be an end but I'll find a new chapter
I can make a new map with a new cartographer
I've given up and thrown up and lost a bunch
I may not know what's best but I'm learning tons
I do as I'm told and I do what I can
I will not lose what makes me a man
It'll take time to be more than best
Hopefully I turn right before I forfeit the rest
A fever you can sweat out: October 16th, 2008
as each day passes it's easier to be me. it's hard to go through life not knowing. life is about growing. not always showing.
people who know me well know when i'm alright. they know when i'm not. i'm learning now how to tell the same thing.
i have limitations. i never knew that before. when you get older you start to learn that you can do some things and there are some things you can't do.
example: don't burn bridges. it's hard to cross the long way around just because you felt like setting something on fire.
time is all it takes. support helps. don't push people away because you never know when you'll need them.
people who know me well know when i'm alright. they know when i'm not. i'm learning now how to tell the same thing.
i have limitations. i never knew that before. when you get older you start to learn that you can do some things and there are some things you can't do.
example: don't burn bridges. it's hard to cross the long way around just because you felt like setting something on fire.
time is all it takes. support helps. don't push people away because you never know when you'll need them.
Strength from all around: October 18th, 2008
thank you all for support when needed. for providing an escape. for being strong as me and stronger when needed.
thank you for being true friends.
thank you for nurturing my gifts and showing true love.
thank you.
this is incredibly sappy but it's honesty. whatever i do, i do it with my friends at my side.
thank you for being true friends.
thank you for nurturing my gifts and showing true love.
thank you.
this is incredibly sappy but it's honesty. whatever i do, i do it with my friends at my side.
Life and its moments: October 20th, 2008
count yourselves lucky.
if you have a roof over your head. if you have one person who loves and respects you. if you can look back on your life and see one person you were genuine to. if you can believe and know that you are a good person.
maybe it's the company you keep. the things you do. the effort you put in. the work you accomplish that means this world is a better place.
we're all trying to find our way. some ways are easier than others but that doesn't make the road any less important. and the relationships we create are fundamental.
life is about choice. it's about compromise. if life was about always getting what we wanted we'd be a lot happier but appreciate a lot less.
i'm just glad i have certain people in my life. a wonderful daughter. a great family. and a reason to work. a place to work. a way to survive.
things could always be worse. but optomism is key. pessimistic ideology just proves you can think about negatives. positives prove you have the strength and belief to see a brighter tomorrow.
if you have a roof over your head. if you have one person who loves and respects you. if you can look back on your life and see one person you were genuine to. if you can believe and know that you are a good person.
maybe it's the company you keep. the things you do. the effort you put in. the work you accomplish that means this world is a better place.
we're all trying to find our way. some ways are easier than others but that doesn't make the road any less important. and the relationships we create are fundamental.
life is about choice. it's about compromise. if life was about always getting what we wanted we'd be a lot happier but appreciate a lot less.
i'm just glad i have certain people in my life. a wonderful daughter. a great family. and a reason to work. a place to work. a way to survive.
things could always be worse. but optomism is key. pessimistic ideology just proves you can think about negatives. positives prove you have the strength and belief to see a brighter tomorrow.
Strength is the key: October 20th, 2008
people hear the word strength and many things come to mind. the strength of mind. strength of body. power of words. power of negatives. physical strength. the latter is usually the one i think of.
now that i'm open to all ideas and probabilities it becomes clear that a words meaning can be misconstrued. this is no news flash to most of us. in fact i'm sure i've come upon this conclusion myself a time or two on my own before. it may have even been taught by my parents or teachers. in a shouting match when i was too angry to see the light in the reasoning.
it's hard to see the light at the end of the tunnel with your eyes closed. it's hard to see how badly words hurt if you're focused solely on one eventuality. it's hard to follow someone elses advice if you refuse to follow your own.
hypocrites will lose all they have. falseness yields false responses. feeling trapped makes any animal, human or otherwise, want to break free of his restraints.
this is a broad subject. covering broad things. it isn't focused on any one person or any one thing.
it's merely my understanding of why things haven't worked out for me. and what i can do to remember it for the rest of my life.
to teach my daughter not to repeat my mistakes... that is my greatest aspiration.
to not repeat my own mistakes... that's a healthy secondary plan.
to learn from other people's mistakes... that's just gravy.
now that i'm open to all ideas and probabilities it becomes clear that a words meaning can be misconstrued. this is no news flash to most of us. in fact i'm sure i've come upon this conclusion myself a time or two on my own before. it may have even been taught by my parents or teachers. in a shouting match when i was too angry to see the light in the reasoning.
it's hard to see the light at the end of the tunnel with your eyes closed. it's hard to see how badly words hurt if you're focused solely on one eventuality. it's hard to follow someone elses advice if you refuse to follow your own.
hypocrites will lose all they have. falseness yields false responses. feeling trapped makes any animal, human or otherwise, want to break free of his restraints.
this is a broad subject. covering broad things. it isn't focused on any one person or any one thing.
it's merely my understanding of why things haven't worked out for me. and what i can do to remember it for the rest of my life.
to teach my daughter not to repeat my mistakes... that is my greatest aspiration.
to not repeat my own mistakes... that's a healthy secondary plan.
to learn from other people's mistakes... that's just gravy.
Something few people see: October 22nd, 2008
there is a certain stigma when it comes to what i've been through. why i do the things i do. why i say the things i say.
something in me believes that i can have anything i want. though recent developments have proven that is very far from the truth.
cause and effect. certain things have caused me to feel this way. now the effect is to compile what i know and what i think may be best to further my own life along.
i'm afraid. truly afraid of what's coming to be. consequences that have yet to unfold based on those that already have has me scared. it's hard to explain my mind.
i'm told that everything will be ok. i've been told this before. i do what the norm is, what society dictates, only to be lost in the shuffle.
what i want?
what i want...
is a reason. a reason for being. a reason for doing. a reason not being stripped away from me. a reason without a consequence of something negative. just one ultimate positive that probably can never exist.
with every positive comes a negative. and therein lies the balance of our world.
perhaps me wanting that balance to tilt towards myself... up in my favor is selfish.
perhaps i am selfish.
selfishness is a simple response when the world comes crashing down around you. i want the world to be happy and coexist with me but i also want to be happy among it.
right now... right this instant... i don't feel happy.
when you lose it all... it's hard to find reasons to wake up. to get up. to exist.
this all sounds rather melodramatic. it is. but the pain in reality of someone in my position is a coded entry i can't even fully understand. and nothing i've tried is helping. maybe nothing will. except to become greater than myself.
transition may be the only way to escape that which i find myself stuck.
something in me believes that i can have anything i want. though recent developments have proven that is very far from the truth.
cause and effect. certain things have caused me to feel this way. now the effect is to compile what i know and what i think may be best to further my own life along.
i'm afraid. truly afraid of what's coming to be. consequences that have yet to unfold based on those that already have has me scared. it's hard to explain my mind.
i'm told that everything will be ok. i've been told this before. i do what the norm is, what society dictates, only to be lost in the shuffle.
what i want?
what i want...
is a reason. a reason for being. a reason for doing. a reason not being stripped away from me. a reason without a consequence of something negative. just one ultimate positive that probably can never exist.
with every positive comes a negative. and therein lies the balance of our world.
perhaps me wanting that balance to tilt towards myself... up in my favor is selfish.
perhaps i am selfish.
selfishness is a simple response when the world comes crashing down around you. i want the world to be happy and coexist with me but i also want to be happy among it.
right now... right this instant... i don't feel happy.
when you lose it all... it's hard to find reasons to wake up. to get up. to exist.
this all sounds rather melodramatic. it is. but the pain in reality of someone in my position is a coded entry i can't even fully understand. and nothing i've tried is helping. maybe nothing will. except to become greater than myself.
transition may be the only way to escape that which i find myself stuck.
Poem 1: October 22nd, 2008
It's easy not to play the game
It's harder just to stay the same
It shows the world what you can do
When one plus one is two
It's something that we've once become
We pretend it's just done
The strength is evident it's true
When one plus one is two
It's simple hard and all between
When simple truly equals clean
I can't believe in the new
If one and one is two
I've made mistakes and that is fact
I've said things I can't take back
I'm not trying to misconstrue
Because one and one is two
It's easier to run and hide
Hard to follow what's inside
I'd rather be like a shrew
Than admit one and one is two
It's harder just to stay the same
It shows the world what you can do
When one plus one is two
It's something that we've once become
We pretend it's just done
The strength is evident it's true
When one plus one is two
It's simple hard and all between
When simple truly equals clean
I can't believe in the new
If one and one is two
I've made mistakes and that is fact
I've said things I can't take back
I'm not trying to misconstrue
Because one and one is two
It's easier to run and hide
Hard to follow what's inside
I'd rather be like a shrew
Than admit one and one is two
Poem 2: October 22nd, 2008
There are lessons I've been taught
Journeys leaving me distraught
I'm hurt by all that I have lost
I see the pain, I know the cost
There may be joy but it is hidden
By my every last transgression
I am followed constantly
By a future coming to be
It can be true it can be fact
That there is no coming back
But I must fight, I know not why
It's worth it is my one reply
I cannot find a single fault
In any of this earth's salt
I'd blame myself if I could
My inner self demands I should
I wish and hope for better days
But more than that, amongst the haze
I'd rather have the two I had in doubt
Than learn to live without
It's a wise man who sees the forest
for the trees and in a chorus
sees the music not the words
despite the joy he has is cursed
it will take time and that's ok
time is merely yesterday
sometimes tomorrow and today
we all learn it goes away
just like pain cannot live
it's harder to receive than give
i need no test or score to show
that no may not always mean no
if you had one single chance
to take every single word back
would you do it and forfeit all
and make a single call?
it takes faith beyond recognition
and love and joy and dedication
do not forget the ones who loved
and no matter what don't shove
everyone has a limit
even if they would never admit it
i try not to but i'm torn
because i'm tired and i'm worn
i have beliefs and i have knowledge
one does not need to see college
to know the world has many wonders
and just as many world class blunders
there are traps and there are treasures
each one stronger beyond measure
it's easier to be than see
that i'd be yours if you saw me
i'll try to wait and try to fight
the darkness can't overshadow light
it's like a parable or play
we watch unfold everyday
so hold onto everything you have
don't let it go, you might not get it back
it takes one thing to lose it all
the cost is great, like a great wall
it keeps you out and shows you naught
it makes you wonder what you've sought
you're kept out and it becomes too much
and soon you're left without a crutch
take stock in every thing you've got
don't let it go despite the cost
it's easier to lose than win
it's harder to finish than begin
Journeys leaving me distraught
I'm hurt by all that I have lost
I see the pain, I know the cost
There may be joy but it is hidden
By my every last transgression
I am followed constantly
By a future coming to be
It can be true it can be fact
That there is no coming back
But I must fight, I know not why
It's worth it is my one reply
I cannot find a single fault
In any of this earth's salt
I'd blame myself if I could
My inner self demands I should
I wish and hope for better days
But more than that, amongst the haze
I'd rather have the two I had in doubt
Than learn to live without
It's a wise man who sees the forest
for the trees and in a chorus
sees the music not the words
despite the joy he has is cursed
it will take time and that's ok
time is merely yesterday
sometimes tomorrow and today
we all learn it goes away
just like pain cannot live
it's harder to receive than give
i need no test or score to show
that no may not always mean no
if you had one single chance
to take every single word back
would you do it and forfeit all
and make a single call?
it takes faith beyond recognition
and love and joy and dedication
do not forget the ones who loved
and no matter what don't shove
everyone has a limit
even if they would never admit it
i try not to but i'm torn
because i'm tired and i'm worn
i have beliefs and i have knowledge
one does not need to see college
to know the world has many wonders
and just as many world class blunders
there are traps and there are treasures
each one stronger beyond measure
it's easier to be than see
that i'd be yours if you saw me
i'll try to wait and try to fight
the darkness can't overshadow light
it's like a parable or play
we watch unfold everyday
so hold onto everything you have
don't let it go, you might not get it back
it takes one thing to lose it all
the cost is great, like a great wall
it keeps you out and shows you naught
it makes you wonder what you've sought
you're kept out and it becomes too much
and soon you're left without a crutch
take stock in every thing you've got
don't let it go despite the cost
it's easier to lose than win
it's harder to finish than begin
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